The HEART

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The heart beats until it stops.

We never know she that may be.

Young and old alike may perish

over a muscle that we have no control over.

She.

She liked to control her body

to fit the ideals that society told.

Pill after pill.

Drink after drink.

And in the end

when she had her dream life.

The heart took a moment,

paused,

and then

took one more quotient.

Cancer.

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A one letter word that cuts like a knife.

You see,

my father was a man who had nine lives.

But in the end,

cancer killed him

and in those last six months

with doctors appointments,

rehabs,

and hospice facilities alike.

I’ve heard people can beat cancer.

He can beat cancer.

The dirty secret was,

it was terminal.

Every day that passed

was another day closer.

And all that I could this was:

I don’t think anyone beats cancer,

you either survive it or you don’t.

Because it makes it sound like those who died

didn’t fight hard enough.

AMEN.

Tell My Sons…

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Hello All.

Sorry this is a little late. I got caught up in life with friends the past few days.

Don’t worry I have been reading too!

First, I’ll catch you up on my life.

Yesterday, I ran the color run with my friend Molly (it was her first 5K and my third).

She did awesome!

We woke up around 5:45am to get ready and be there on time to find parking. ‘Twas a little early, but the early bird catches the worm, right?!

I have a GloRun next weekend too.

So mainly, I have been just working out, trying to eat right, and work.

It's early. But I LOVE it!

It’s early. But I LOVE it!

RAWR

RAWR

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Yes, we’re weird.

Color!

Color!

and MORE color!

and MORE color!

But have no fear my fellow friends and readers!

Ifinished last Wednesday Tell My Sons by Lt. Col. Mark M. Weber.

Comfy on the couch with a book. What else could a girl ask for?

Comfy on the couch with a book. What else could a girl ask for?

Now mind you, when I requested this book, I had no idea what it was about.

After reading the foreword by Robin Williams, I learned it was about a man and his family, from the same state I am, Minnesota.

Lt. Col. Mark M. Weber finds out he has stage IV cancer and not much time to survive. So what does he do? He write letters to his sons. This book chronicles the life of his family from the time his wife and him met, to having children, and dealing with the ever so present side ache (literally) of having cancer.

It opened my eyes as to the strength that we as humans have. How our minds can overanalyze, but also change the perspective of what we think in times of dire situations, and not just in war, or traumatic things, but when something romantic or beautiful happens as well.

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As the book states, we all eventually reach the end our march, it just depends on how we meet it. And honesty is always important. It would be dishonest to suggest that someone isn’t dying or not going through trials and tribulations. Yet, humor is the gift that can keep on giving. And Lt. Col. Mark M Weber found a way to do this.

Not only is humor and laughter important I learned, but enjoying and taking the time to do so, whilst being a self advocate. Only you know you best.

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I’ve learned that I needed to read this book to dig a little deeper into myself and see what others have experienced with cancer and it’s effects. Every person has there own journey. And this book just added to mine.

Before Lt. Col. Mark M Weber had passed away, his family and him started Operation True Grit to give back to those in need. I ask that each and everyone of you look into this Operation and learn more about Mark and his life.

I believe whether we have dealt with death, cancer, and dying or not, this book has something all of us can take away with.

Now, on to my next reading for today.

I miss you all. Have a wonderful Sunday FUN day.

Books. Books. Oh and some more books!

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Hello my fellow readers.

As many of you saw, this morning I had requested that you all list some of your favorite reads.

Well, I was able to request and receive some of these titles from my local library!

Got to love how quick they are.

In all, I have 5 books.

Now don’t worry, when I love to read, I’m quick!

300 pages in one night is nothing. 

:)

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                Aren’t they pretty?

The first book is ‘Tell My Sons’ by Lt. Col. Mark M Weber.

According to Google Books it is about “the bestselling tradition of Tuesdays with Morrie and The Last Lecture, a dying father’s deeply moving legacy for his sons is winning hearts and minds around the world. At just 38 and at the height of his military career, highly decorated US soldier Lieutenant Colonel Mark Weber was diagnosed with deadly Stage IV gastro-intestinal cancer. Given just four months to live, he began to write a letter to his three young sons so that as they grew up without him they would have the lessons that living – and dying – had taught him about courage and fear, pride and humility, and so much more. Over time that letter became the extraordinary Tell My Sons.”

The second, which was recommended by a reader, Gold by Chris Cleave according to Caley Anderson is about “Kate and Zoe, the central characters in Chris Cleave’s fast-paced and poignant Gold, are classic frenemies. Professional cyclists who have been training with–and competing against–each other for almost 15 years, they have one career-defining difference: Zoe will do anything to win, but there are lines Kate refuses to cross. Cleave jumps back and forth in time as they prepare for their final Olympics, showing how the two athletes met and unveiling all the ways in which they are inextricably linked. They share a coach, Tom (who clearly has a favorite); Kate’s husband, Jack, has a long history with both women; and Kate and Jack’s daughter, Sophie, binds them all together. While cycling is the focus of the plot, the heart of Gold is the sacrifice we make for our families”

The third, Imperfect Ending by Zoe Fitgerald Carter and according to Allison Bock is about “After living with Parkinson’s for 20 years, Carter’s headstrong mother, Margaret, decides she wants to end her life—and have her three daughters by her side when she goes. It’s a decision that leaves Carter, the youngest and long the favorite child, in distress. Will her mother really go through with it, and if so, how soon? Margaret, it turns out, has already contacted the Hemlock Society. Bookshelves loaded with literature about death and dying further attest to her convictions. Carter, who lives in Northern California, frequently visits Margaret in Georgetown, doing her best to stay composed. (It’s especially difficult when her mother keeps changing the date on which she wants to die.) Eldest sibling Katherine distances herself from the situation, while sister Hannah is a reliable source of moral and emotional support. Carter alternates the account of her mother’s final months with chapters about her childhood, complete with tales of sibling rivalries and her alcoholic, womanizing father. Carter tackles a depressing subject with dark humor and heart.”

Forever Interrupted by Taylor Jenkins Reid. “Have you ever heard of supernovas? They shine brighter than anything else in the sky and then fade out really quickly, a short burst of extraordinary energy. I like to think you and Ben were like that . . . in that short time, you had more passion than some people have in a lifetime.”

And lastly, Keeping Faith by Jodi Picoult is about in simple terms “Keeping Faith is a novel by bestselling author Jodi Picoult about a custody battle involving a seven-year-old girl who may be seeing God”.

After I read each book I will write a review of my own and how I felt during the digestion process. 

Don’t worry, it doesn’t take me too long. I hope we can create some dialogue. 

Oh, and I signed up for a new book club starting the end of this month!

Books and wine. Each month the group will be meeting at a different local restaurant and have some wine and talk about the book of the month. How cool?! 

Anyways, I guess i should get to reading in writing. If you all have any more ideas, please keep them coming. 

Much love. 

Extra. Extra. Read All About It – Goals!

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So, it’s Monday morning.

New start of the week.

I’m sitting in my kitchen with my laptop, oatmeal, and Shakeology.

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See, isn’t this a dream?

What a combo, I know right?!

Starting today. I’ve logged out of my Facebook.

For some of you, this is not uncommon.

When I originally started this blog I was not on Facebook for over a year, until I went to Spain and studied abroad.

This time, I am not going as extreme.

I didn’t deactivate my account. I just logged off.

I will also be posting updates of this blog and photos onto Facebook…though I will not be logged on to Facebook.

I feel as though lately technology has been becoming a crutch and getting in the way.

Getting in the way of my reading and writing for one.

And thats where you all lovely readers come into play.

I miss reading books and getting lost in the words.

I moved to a new city in Minnesota. A smaller town with still plenty to do!

I got my library card, but now I need books to read.

What shall I read?

Think of anything and everything.

I want my mind to explore, wander, and be opened to new ideas I never though existed.

Even if you don’t think it’s my genera, please comment and let me know.

My goal is tonight after work, to read these comments and go to the library.

I even want to join a book club

I can’t wait to see what you all post.

See, I'll be waiting.

See, I’ll be waiting.

Cancer. Death. Cancer. Death. Rebirth

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Life.

It sucks sometimes. MAJORLY.

You see. My father was re-diagnosed with prostate cancer June 2013.

He was of the 20% it comes back to those who seek and complete treatment. 

He did everything possible to prolong his life, though he was told it was terminal.

The one thing he would not complete is chemotherapy.

He stated that if it would make him live, or a possible chance of living he would.

But, because he was given 1 to 2 years, he wanted to live the best he could.

That was until January 2014.

My step mom had the symptoms of the flu.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

No fever.

Nothing concerning until she got extremely weak. 

That’s when my father, because of his cancer and could not pick her up, called 911.

The ambulance came and took her to the hospital.

In less than 24 hours, she was gone.

Gone.

No longer breathing.

24 hours and POOF.

RING RING.

A phone call that same day.

The doctor said they needed to talk to my father in person.

My father declined, but knew something was wrong.

He requested to tell him via phone.

Cancer test results were in….

6 months or less to live.

DOUBLE BLOW.

CRASH.

BANG.

BANG.

POW.

Right in the gut.

I’m 23 and all this happens at once.

See you see, I know everything happens for a reason,

but DAMN.

Can’t I get a break, even just a few days.

After this my role as a daughter changed to a caretaker.

I quit my job.

I became a fighter.

A lover.

And sometimes just wanted to scream myself. 

Running errands, helping with paperwork, you name it.

It’s never easy being the youngest, especially when your father is older than most.

He never quit fighting, wanted to, but didn’t.

He was an amazing man and dad to three special children.

I’ll never forget him. Nor my step mom.

I know now they are somewhere making everyone around them laugh out loud.

I just hope now I can get some peace and keep being me.

Live for the day.

Live for the moment.

Because I’ve seen at 23

all it takes is less than a minute 

to change everything in one split second. 

Now it’s time to write. 

Reawakening

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Hello my friends and dear readers.

I apologize that it has been quite some time since I have been on here and writing in general.

A lot has happened in my life since then and I feel reawakened to write. Inspire. And give hope again.

Please join me yet again.

I have so much to share. 

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